Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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