a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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