just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
