She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
