i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
