she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
