Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am one with the molecules
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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