If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You're like the curious george of whores
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
