Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
