Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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