She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
