Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
