I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
