Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
