Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
