I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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