Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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