i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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