oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
