I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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