Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
