My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There r osticjed everywhere
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
