She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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