The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
