im six kinds of drunk right now
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
