I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
