You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize