Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
