also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
