halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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