My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize