she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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