He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
