how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
