My friends, they love my intelligence
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
