I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I will pee on everything he values.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
