yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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