She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
