the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
