Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
