I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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