dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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