I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
