New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
