This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
