How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
