i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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