I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
