Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
