can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
