i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
