Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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