last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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