Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
