you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
