Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize