he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
birth control should be required to get into college
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
