Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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