He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The uberlube is also flammable
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
