Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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