apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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