How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
