Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
