More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
