She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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