my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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