True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
