eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
