2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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