I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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